Privileges of Age

If this blog were trendy & snarky, I'd just say "none." But I've vowed to avoid snark for at least my first three sentences, so...

First Privilege of Age: Bitching

55. While this used to be the age of doddering and slobbering, it's now very chic to hit your "double nickle," and even more than an AARP card will give you full access to a stage in life that can be most enjoyable--you can still wear tight jeans but you don't have to be as politically and socially correct. In other words--you can bitch. Not complain. Complaining is a whole different genre of irritation, one that is more irritating than entertaining which bitching should strive to be. Complaining encompasses foisting your current aches, pains, and sags--and there will be many--on anyone close enough to hear. Bitching has a less personal, more social cachet. You complain about arthritis; you bitch about how loudly the person next to you on the bus is text messaging. You complain about losing hair; you bitch about how boring Clairol's hair colors are. I mean, they can't do better than Medium Brown or Medium Golden Brown? How about Medium Brown with a hint of Caramel and undertones of Auburn? Would that be so hard?

Second Privilege of Age: Experimentation
See hair color comment above. When you're younger, you have to follow trends slavishly or risk being compared to Brittany Spears. When you're older, you can take a few more risks--you'll at worst be considered "eccentric" (at which time, adopt an English accent) and at best "cutting edge." In fact, the biggest mistake many women (men, too, but we'll deal with them cruelly in later posts) make is falling for the "dress your age" mantra. What does that mean? It can't mean dressing like a politician your age: how many of us really look good in yellow pantsuits (though if you do, go for it). And it certainly doesn't mean dressing like a celebrity your age unless you have someone who can follow you around and photoshop you continually. Really, what age should release you to do is "dress your mindset." Since most of us in our 40's, 50's, and 60's don't have cliques we have to fit in with, we can look as we want--but be prepared to be criticized for it, especially by me. Which leads to the...

Third Privilege of Age: Publishing Your Bitching and Experimentation
And that's what this blog will be about. Opinions of a 55, almost 56, year old highly opinionated but generally gracious--at least in public--woman who still wears her hair long, her jeans tight, and her heels high but is always on the lookout for clothes that are different, makeup that she wouldn't have tried at 16, skincare that will really get rid of those new wrinkles, and cocktail recipes that are real cocktails, not Appletinis. And since I have as my faithful sidekick a very young, very artistic, and equally opinionated gay guy, I'd say my credentials to opine just jumped fifty fold--maybe, 55 fold.