2009's Most Unfortunate Fashion Flashback

The Jumpsuit
Remember these or has your brain's "horror filter" managed to purge this nightmarish fashion that, regardless of how bad everyone--EVERYONE--looks in it, reappears every 15 years or so. I remember my favorite jumpsuit (using the word "favorite" with the scariest of scare quotes) from the 70's when I was in college. I can only imagine now that I looked like a toddler garage mechanic in a onesie. Short-sleeves with a cuff; bell-bottoms, also with a cuff; and a belt that did absolutely nothing to create a waist--since I didn't have one to begin with. Oh, did I mention it was yellow? Now that was the way to blend in, wasn't it?

This year, the jumpsuits strutting down the runway try to make up for looking absurd by looking absurd. There have been billowy piles of parachute fabric, shiny armor-dried-on-high skin tight versions, and ones with large areas of cutouts. Now that makes sense. Let's design an article of clothing meant to cover you top to bottom and hack away large sections to show skin. Women aren't stupid: they show skin for men and that means cleavage and minis. When men see cutouts, they just wondered how you ripped your clothes. "Honey, did you fall down or somethin'?"

And none of this addresses the real downside of jumpsuits. How do you go to the bathroom? Maybe that's the beauty of the jumpsuit in the photo. At least with one exposed leg, she's got options (don't think too long about that). But imagine having to climb completely out of that after every cup of coffee. Do yourself a favor. If you want to look one-piece, just wear a shirt tucked in that matches your pants, skirt, whatever. And don't forget the cleavage.