I Can See For Miles

I'm Short
Not "petite," which implies delicacy and a predilection for ruffles. Not "cute" (See "petite" but throw in dimples and curly hair). Not even "less than average height" which could mean I was 5'5" (isn't 5'6" about average for a woman?) No, I'm just short. Everything is proportioned pretty much the way it should be except for being a bit boyish from the waist down and overly girlish--if you get my drift; 'zaftig' as my grandmother would have put it--from the waist up but I'm short. And getting shorter. I used to be able to claim 5' 3 1/2". But they measured me at the doctor's office the other day and dang, if I'm not down to 5' 2 3/4". If I should make it to 102 like my other grandmother (the non-Yiddish speaking one), I figure I should be about 4' even.

Since being short is not exactly a new experience for me, I grew up wearing heels from age 11 on. This was partially driven by not wanting to be called "petite" or "cute," but having a sister who was 5' 11" no doubt was part of the mix. So I love heels. When I try to wear flats, even if they're the style of the season, I'm ill at ease, like I'm waiting to be stepped on all the time. Ballet flats were an adorable trend--but not for me. When I walk into a room, I want to make a statement and that statement is "I'm not really short; you must be exceptionally tall."

Sadly, I'm not really young anymore, either. So while there are scads of gorgeous heels out there in all models, colors, sizes, what have you, most of the really beautiful or gutsy or chic ones are 3" and up. I never fail to find some shoe in a Victoria's Secret Catalog that the primitive part of my cortex doesn't say "Want shoe. Need shoe. Must have." Then I look at the heel height--4", 4 1/4". Maybe when I was younger but now? When my balance is shot anyway? And I actually prefer not to be wincing in pain when I walk? I mean, talk about something that puts wrinkles on your face.

But try finding a really great shoe with a 2" or 2 1/2" heel--the height I've decided is about my optimum. Oh, there are shoes out there with that heel but they often come in exactly three shades of drab and usually have the words "Comfort" or "Support" or "Ortho-" in their names. You want to wear a brand with a cool name like "Naughty Monkey" (no, I did not make that up; those cute suede pirate boots I wore this winter?--that's the brand.) or "Chinese Laundry" and you're usually back to the 3" and up. So, Ladies of a Certain Age, how do we get shoe designers to realize that we, too, want to look like a celebrity or a model or even a bimbo sometimes but have this odd notion we should be able to walk while we're at it? Should we stage a Choo-in? Walk naked through the streets of New York's fashion district wearing nothing but Naturalizers? Boycott Nordstrom? (Just kidding--I couldn't stand the deprivation.)

Forget healthy, wealthy and wise--that's shot now, anyway. Give me heels.